I am writing a letter to be buried six feet below the ground. Hoping somehow it can be read by heaven’s eyes through your cold-sleeping ocean I used to drown in. I know your heart is a definition of what tragic really is. And only in that brief moment of holding your pulse in my palm did I realize that the time I was given was nothing short of short. In fact, it was the sum of my existence. I found out that there is no one who could love me less than what you’ve given, no one to care for who I was and who I’d never be. And in the mere time you had offered me, I battled with a challenge I could not call my own only because you didn’t need me; and so I pushed, but so did you. It wasn’t enough. Just as always it is. I wanted many things. Forever with you was one of a million things I’ve dreamed of having and one out of a million was not I, and so here I am - crying like a blind man in the trash you put me in. It’s come to my understanding that I am a bruising bastard, one who cannot be loved by blood but also water. Thought you were a salted crystal I could taste with my tongue and touch with my fingertips until you melted in my veins like pure adrenaline. You — the fire that I held and burned for because it was worth blistering. I have parted with moth wings, attracted to a flame that scolded me ‘til I was blue. You’ve thought me so much over treasured moments; how stars failed to see the real beauty of walking along land to witness life glow in uncharted skies. I just hope there is a clearing when I become an untold constellation. You’ve left me with death I could never handle. So much of life dwindles subtly in a way it took me years to notice. So here is the pen that will bleed when my lungs stop breathing. And when it runs out of ink, drop it on the shore for the water to touch and fill, washing away all the words I won’t say to you. And when your light goes out just think of me, and how easy it was to hold your hands and tell you that you weren’t a monster.

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Collaboration between mattsjustaroundthecorner and smokeinatin